I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
