yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
