I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
