Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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