Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
