She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
