isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
