Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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