Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
