i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
