He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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