does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
