The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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