Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
