New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
