She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
