her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
