I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
