I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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