New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
