I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize