Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
