I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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