i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize