maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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