going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
