I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
