your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
