Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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