Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
