pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
