it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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