Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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