What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
