Its about making memories worth repressing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
