I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
