there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
