I'm jealous of your bromance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
