Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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