Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
