My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just blew my weed a kiss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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