That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
