I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But break dance skills will only take you so far
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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