i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
