how can u be prego again
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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