omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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