Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
