we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
