Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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