she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drake has all the answers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize