I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
