wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
