His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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