Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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