I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
