i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
