he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
