honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
