i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
