Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
