I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we're making bets on your personal life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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