We named our party play list daddy issues
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i came on her dog
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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