just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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