I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
