I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
