why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
