Umm I'm too high to move.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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