Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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