Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
