I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
