Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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