don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
