masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
