there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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