Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
