shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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