i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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