You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
