okay pat passed out under dana's car
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
