you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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