the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So vagazzling was a success
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
