Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize