"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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