yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
