I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
