A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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