i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
