Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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