The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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