He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
where are you?
Hypothermia
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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