i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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