Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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