I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
