I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
