my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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