I can tuck mytits in my pants
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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