just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
